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The General Anatomy of Small Things, A Field Guide: Field Naturalist Kit

1 pair Wellies

1 butterfly net

2 jugs formalin (for pickling specimens)

1 machete (for giving jungle vines the old “one-two”)

1 magnifying lens (for seeing macro-micos and whatnots)

1 metal compass (which you don’t know how to use)

1 map (which you don’t know how to read)

1 trekking cane

1 tranquilizer rifle, range 30 yards with micro-darts loaded with 20 cubic centimeters each of Mr. Right Away’s Wild Beast Tamer, Soporific & Anodyne

1 ice axe (in case you’re in an aeroplane and it crashes in the Himalaya and you need to give Old Abominable “the chop”)

1 teddy bear (so others will leave you well alone)

1 pith helmet with chin strap

1 Spotted Rex Rabbit named Spottsy, leashed (they have great sniffers and know how to find all sorts of vegetables)

1 aid & assistance horn (to signal for aid and assistance)

20 digestive biscuits, semi-stale

1 pair cleats or crampons for ascending stony, icy bits

1 bicycle with basket (for the rabbit) and horn

1 mesh bag (for a toad)

5 radio tracking collars and signal receiver, bunnypillar adjustable

3 Swiss cheese slices (for a mouse)

1 square box, holey (for a turtle)

1 mason jar (for a who’s-it?)

1 wind-up pocket watch and calendar because you often lose track of day, date and time when on a ramble

1 empty biscuit tin (for a what’s-at?)

1 pair of your Mother’s salad tongs (for handling interesting dead stuff)

1 bundle wild lettuce (in case the rabbit gets too excited)

3 finger bandages (for accidents and incidents)

1 torch with spare batteries (in case of caves and all that)

1 vial of rabies serum with injection syrette (in case of mouth foamy squirrels or bat attacks)

2 acquaintances (not friends, in case they act stupid and need to be ditched)


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